~ There's alot to be said for anonymity when picking ppl's brains for advice
~ Altho, you are much like me and we tend to think out loud a little more than ppl are comfortable with.. hence our solid friendship.. and our rejection by certain others who gloss over truth in sensitive matters to the detriment of everyone involved. Truth finds it's way out.. when ppl bury it, it always finds it's way out. Sometimes it emerges in unpleasant ways, but often times when it comes to the surface it sets the stage to clean some things up and restore healty relationships.
~ Ppl have to choose whether to blow up and selfishly stomp away.. or open their eyes that other ppl have feelings too and not everyone is wired to live in denial.. ignoring the elephant in the room so everyone can choose their poison (the tensions that make them comfortable and to hell with everyone elses feelings).
~ But sometimes as parents.. quite often.. we have to truly measure the line of what we can stomach from our adult children... and that involves letting them go find the life they are looking for in their own home outside of the one they grew up in.. they gotta fly, no matter how messy and risky they choose to do it.. rips ur heart out as a parent.. but it's just life.
~ the main thing is to make sure that they understand that you love them and the door to your home is always open for them and anyone they are married to, who can enter it and be respectful.
~ They don't have to agree with you on everything.. but they can come over for a couple hours and keep the peace long enough for our children and grandchildren to love on family for a bit.. if that's too hard then, then I question their definition of love and family...
~ love is able to sacrifice a couple hours of the spotlight in someone's life, so they can nurture family relationships.. if you love someone, you can hold your tongue and talk about the weather for a while and then go on your merry way when you walk out that door.
~ When ppl live very different lives... it requires a good deal of commitment to come together and resolve to enjoy a few hours of peace and fun together. Don't discuss touchy issues, chances are everyone knows how everyone feels already.. keep the conversation on positive memories and current humor.. when someone challenges the peace.. just don't touch it... don't pick it up.. resist the obvious temptation to have the last word.. take control of the moment and change the subject.. be the guide.. seek the Spirit of God to lead you thru that minefield... it sux.. but it's the life of parents with adult kids
~ But when there is blatant disrespect or an aggressive challenge to disrupt the peace demanding your approval of things you cannot approve of with a clear conscience before God.. you might need to be ready to ask them to leave. Always politely, yet with a sternness so they know you are serious. And you need to stick to it. Let them go home.. let them sulk and blame you and everyone that disagrees with them. It's sooo painful, but sometimes you need to give them that time to themselves to make some decisions as to what they are willing to live with, how much of their relationship with their parents are they willing to give up... and what is it that is so great that it would ask them to disrespect the ppl that love them dearly and who they will love and need always (even tho they think they can live without them, they would be wrong). Kids and parents will always need some connection/relationship.. it changes year by year, it looks and smells and tastes differently as we all change and grow older... but children will only ever have one mother and one father, and parents will only ever have the children God blessed their heart with.
~ I know how much you love your daughter.. and your wife and family.. no one gets the perfect life.. we've all gotta decide what we truly do not want to lose, and what we are willing to live with to hold onto it.. and we have to give other ppl room to do the same.. and then trust God to keep up with the shattered pieces of broken dreams. He has a way of bringing them back together in ways we never imagined. Sometimes it's not the dream we wanted or envisioned, but when we try to glimpse God in it and his plans and purpose to bless us and our children, he causes us to gain a new love for something that seemed so foreign in the beginning. Love to you, and your family. This is tough stuff to walk through, there are no easy answers or even final resolutions... it's often a day by day thing, and can be exhausting, but I am trusting God to keep you and your loved ones in his perfect will. Hugs Mister =)
~ the main thing is to make sure that they understand that you love them and the door to your home is always open for them and anyone they are married to, who can enter it and be respectful.
~ They don't have to agree with you on everything.. but they can come over for a couple hours and keep the peace long enough for our children and grandchildren to love on family for a bit.. if that's too hard then, then I question their definition of love and family...
~ love is able to sacrifice a couple hours of the spotlight in someone's life, so they can nurture family relationships.. if you love someone, you can hold your tongue and talk about the weather for a while and then go on your merry way when you walk out that door.
~ When ppl live very different lives... it requires a good deal of commitment to come together and resolve to enjoy a few hours of peace and fun together. Don't discuss touchy issues, chances are everyone knows how everyone feels already.. keep the conversation on positive memories and current humor.. when someone challenges the peace.. just don't touch it... don't pick it up.. resist the obvious temptation to have the last word.. take control of the moment and change the subject.. be the guide.. seek the Spirit of God to lead you thru that minefield... it sux.. but it's the life of parents with adult kids
~ But when there is blatant disrespect or an aggressive challenge to disrupt the peace demanding your approval of things you cannot approve of with a clear conscience before God.. you might need to be ready to ask them to leave. Always politely, yet with a sternness so they know you are serious. And you need to stick to it. Let them go home.. let them sulk and blame you and everyone that disagrees with them. It's sooo painful, but sometimes you need to give them that time to themselves to make some decisions as to what they are willing to live with, how much of their relationship with their parents are they willing to give up... and what is it that is so great that it would ask them to disrespect the ppl that love them dearly and who they will love and need always (even tho they think they can live without them, they would be wrong). Kids and parents will always need some connection/relationship.. it changes year by year, it looks and smells and tastes differently as we all change and grow older... but children will only ever have one mother and one father, and parents will only ever have the children God blessed their heart with.
~ I know how much you love your daughter.. and your wife and family.. no one gets the perfect life.. we've all gotta decide what we truly do not want to lose, and what we are willing to live with to hold onto it.. and we have to give other ppl room to do the same.. and then trust God to keep up with the shattered pieces of broken dreams. He has a way of bringing them back together in ways we never imagined. Sometimes it's not the dream we wanted or envisioned, but when we try to glimpse God in it and his plans and purpose to bless us and our children, he causes us to gain a new love for something that seemed so foreign in the beginning. Love to you, and your family. This is tough stuff to walk through, there are no easy answers or even final resolutions... it's often a day by day thing, and can be exhausting, but I am trusting God to keep you and your loved ones in his perfect will. Hugs Mister =)
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