Twisted

You know how crippled my feet are and how often I fall to the ground,

And yet you help me up each time and continue to trust me to carry so much.
You put precious and fragile things in my hands,
things that belong to you, things that are close to your heart,
and I fall and they scatter on the ground.

But you keep them from breaking
and you dust them off and you hand them back to me,
trusting me each time
as though you don't remember my many stumbles and falls...
as though you don't see my crippled feet...
as though you don't expect me to fall again for the millionth time.

Why would you trust me with so much?
Me, a cripple?
Mangled and twisted feet that struggle along in imperfection
failing to advance by leaps and bounds,
always creeping along,
always searching for strength and balance,
always weak?

Yet you continue to be strong, you continue to trust me, you continue to love me.

How can such love exist in a world that is so full of darkness,
a world that is so unworthy of your presence, so blind to your awesome beauty,
so undeserving of your affection and your contant care?

I don't know.

but it is that love
that guides my feet and my heart to find the strength to get up again.
And it is that love
that makes me able to move forward,
ever so slowly, but always forward.

I will never understand it.
It will continue to amaze me each and every moment,
forever.

Without you, I would remain a cripple in the gutter, begging,
at the mercy of a dark and truly evil world.
Alone and hopeless.

but because of your presence,
I have a companion,
a comforting voice that speaks wisdom,
a friend,

a strong arm reaching out to me --
I have someone that trusts me,
that encourages me,
that gives me direction and purpose in this life, in this world,
in my weakness.

Either way,
I am a cripple.
but life is worth living because you see me
as healthy and able and whole.

And as you help me to see myself as you see me,
I am falling less often, though I still fall.
And it is easier to find the strength I need along the way,
because you place it near me, at arm's length,
so I only need to reach for it
to find it.

The world is still dark,
My feet are still twisted,
and I stumble along and fall quite often.

But my heart is full of light
and your hand is always there for me when I'm face down in the dirt.

So I continue to get up and to stand.

I continue to hold tight to all that you have entrusted to me,
and I continue forward in search of more of you,
in search of the things you have made mention of
in our many conversations along the way.

in search of our final destination together
when this dark world will be only a memory that we seldom think of,
and my feet will be as you have always seen them,

never stumbling,

forever strong and perfect.

(from my journal, 2007)